I love British humor

For a better understanding between nations... by John Cleese

  
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed"
to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."
The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when
tea supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have  been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
Nuisance." The last  time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.


The Scots have raised  their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's
get the  Bastards." They don't  have any other levels. This is the
reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for
the last 300 years.


The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level  from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels
in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender."  The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag
factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.


Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly"
to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."


The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs."  They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."


Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.


The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.


Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No
worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels
remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to  cancel the barbie this
weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever
warranted use of the final escalation level.